Salvation At Sunset (A McGinty's Of San Antonio Series Novel Book 5) Read online

  “Are you okay?” I take a deep, unsteady breath still not looking at him. This is what I wanted. I wanted him to share. I wanted him to tell me what’s going on. I love this man, I remind myself needlessly. When his cautious arms slip around me from behind my body jerks in a sob. A sob of relief. He’s back. He rests his face in my neck and I feel his body shaking whether from being drenched or being scared, I don’t know. I rest my hands on his arms and gently rub back and forth trying to warm him. He takes a shuddering breath that rocks both of us before sharing his nightmare.

  “I’m ashamed of where I come from and I'm scared of what’s going to happen when you find out. My demons aren’t just from the desert, even though lately they’re the ones that haunt me. I didn’t want you to see who I am. The one who wakes up in the middle of the night, every night, shaking, sweating, crying and screaming. Fighting for my life, for the life of my brothers that are already dead. Every night I try to save my brothers from war. Bella, but even when I save them, even when I fucking save them, baby, even when we’re walking away alive, laughing and joking, talking about our day, I wake up and they’re still gone. Every single night I try to fix my failure but it’s unfixable. I try to fight against devils and monsters that are real and aren’t real. I feel like I’m crazy, Bella. But last night, with you, I found some peace. Baby, I finally slept. I never sleep. That why I haven't stayed over. I didn’t want you to see me like that. I didn’t want to scare you when I wake up fighting the dark. Then last night, it hit me when I was awake. Awake, Bella. They started attacking me with my eyes open. I didn’t want to burden you with me. I thought I needed to push you away. I’m so sorry, baby. So, sorry. But I need you. Like I’ve never needed anything else in my life. I think you’re the one to save me.”

  Oh, my God. I can’t help it, more tears fall from my eyes and my breathing turns deep and heavy, yet I can’t get air.

  “Honey,” I whisper, and Garrett turns me around and I finally notice the dark circles under his eyes. God, he’s exhausted. “Come on. Let’s go to bed. We’ll talk more later, okay?” I ask hesitantly and he nods.

  I guide him to my bedroom where I gently strip the wet clothes from his body. All the while I feel his eyes on me. He looks lost and scared and I find all I want to do is take care of him.

  “I think you should take a warm shower,” I suggest, but he shakes his head.

  “I just want to sleep. I want to hold you and sleep.” He cups my face then leans in and kisses me. I break the kiss and strip out of my clothes and lead him to the bed.

  I slide under the cover and lay on my back, raising my arms to him. He comes forward and rests between my open legs and arms. Garrett holds himself above me on his elbows while looking down at me. His fingers trace patterns on my shoulders and neck. I feel him at my opening, and I rise up in invitation. Without breaking eye contact and without assistance, Garrett slides into me.

  “More,” I whisper and Garrett thrusts into me harder, never taking his eyes from mine. “More.” I beg and he thrust even harder. “More.” I plead needing him fiercely. My need is so deep even I’m surprised at myself as I continue to beg for even more.

  Garrett body drops down on mine and his mouth takes mine. My hands travel down to his I urge him on. Our bodies meeting in a way that will leave us both sore and bruised.

  Garrett leans up and wraps his arms under my knees, tilting me, taking me deeper. Without warning, I explode. Before I can come down, Garrett has me on my stomach, hips up and he’s slamming back into me.

  “Garrett!” I cry out when I feel it building again.

  “Bella, fuck. Am I hurting you?” he growls.

  “No. Please don’t stop.” I beg. His arm snakes around my waist and he pulls me up and scoots us forward to my headboard. My hands lock on the top as he continues powering into me. Both his hands wrap around and grab my breasts. His fingers toying and pinching my hardened nipples. One hand finally wraps around the base of my neck and the other around my waist.

  “Coming, baby. What do you need?” he growls.

  “I’m there. Don’t stop.” I beg.

  “Come for me, baby. Now,” he orders and my body submits. Falling apart I call his name over and over and over.

  “You okay?” Garrett asks between taking much needed breaths.

  “Yes. I am now,” I confess and turn my head to look up at him. He lowers his lips and we kiss deeply, but briefly before Garrett pulls from me.

  “Hold on.”

  He lifts off me and stands before looking around. He enters the bathroom and then comes back with a warm wash cloth. Shocking me, Garrett gently cleans himself from me before placing the cloth in the bathroom hamper.

  Garrett lies back down and wraps his arm around me and pulling me close. I rest my head on his chest and wrap my arm around his waist and settle in.

  Now I feel complete.

  I wake and glance around the room. Garrett isn’t in bed and I hear hammering. I’m guessing he’s fixing the door he broke last night. I shiver and smile as I think back to our night together and the breakthrough we made. Crawling out of bed, I quickly dress then brush my teeth, wash my face and give my hair a brush before padding barefoot downstairs.

  I pause when I see Garrett in nothing but jeans, a muscle shirt, and hiking boots as he works on the front door. It’s then I notice he’s almost as tall as the frame. His beautiful muscled arms are displayed and his shoulders are wide. He’s solid muscle. I’m appreciating whatever he has done to get that body. He must work out a lot. God, I'd do almost anything to watch him exercise. As long as it is not outside in the Texas heat, like jogging. More than anything I’m praying he doesn’t like to hike. That could be a deal breaker because I loathe hiking. I’d climb Kilimanjaro for Garrett, even though I almost died climbing Enchanted Rock in Fredericksburg. He stops what he’s doing and reaches down to a huge army style backpack I just now realized is sitting near my door and pulls out a baseball cap that reads Iraq War Veteran on it. I frown, thinking of all that’s happened to him as a result of being a soldier in the war, but shake it off as Garrett pushes his hair back before slipping the cap on backwards. I almost rush down the stairs to him, but immediately I decide until I get a better understanding of what he’s going through, surprising him isn't something I should do.

  When he grabs a screwdriver and then bends at the knees to work on the strike plate, he finally notices me and stops what he’s doing. His eyes travel up and down my body and he grins. I move down the final steps saying nothing. When I get within his reach, he reaches out and snakes one arm around my waist, drawing me to him. The screwdriver clatters to the floor as he fully embraces me in both his strong arms. “I’m sorry,” he offers softly.

  “Me too.” I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his jaw.

  “Nothing for you to be sorry for. It was my fault.”

  Garrett whispers those words right before coming forward and kissing me again. We’re deep in a make-out session when I hear two shocked gasps behind us. The gasps turn into soft laughter and whispers. Garrett tenses but when he feels me smile against his lips and hold him in place, he relaxes and lets me lead with what I do next.

  “I’m going to assume this is some type of barter. Hot handyman fixes door for…” My mom leaves the suggestion open with humor in her voice.

  “Yeah. I wonder if she found him in the yellow pages because I have a few things that need fixing too. Maybe there are more like him.” My sister Victoria jokes.

  Victoria is my best friend and older sister. Since taking her job at the hospital, though, we talk less and less these days. It’s not that we’ve grown apart. I think we’re both going through a transition as we get older and make our own ways. As I favor my mom, Victoria favors my Dad with blonde hair and blue eyes. I break the kiss trying not to laugh. Garrett reaches down for a button down flannel from his duffle bag, putting it on but leaving it open.

  “Oh, please don’t do that on our account,” Victoria teases, causin
g Garrett to blush.

  “Thank you so much for fixing my door. I believe your bill is paid in full now,” I joke, and Garrett chuckles.

  “Yes, ma’am. Call me anytime you need anything fixed.” He winks.

  I lean into him and wrap my arm around his waist before giving my mom and Victoria my attention.

  “Mom, Victoria, this is Garrett. Garrett, this is my sister, Victoria and my mom, Skye.”

  “Nice to meet you both, Victoria, Mrs. Rollins,” Garrett replies shyly.

  “Hi,” Victoria chirps with a huge grin across her face.

  “Please call me, Skye.” Mom braces the screen on her hip as she reaches out to shake Garrett’s hand.

  Garrett releases his arm around me to return the gesture but then immediately puts his arm back around me as they come inside.

  “Awww, Mom,” Victoria sighs and gestures at me before clasping her hands and putting them over her heart.

  “I know.” Mom displays a sweet expression, as she latches the screen door shut.

  “What?” I can’t help but laugh at their silliness.

  “I don’t know but it sure looks like love. You. Are. In. L.O.V.E!” Victoria announces and pushes her way past Garrett and I and goes straight into the kitchen, running water to no doubt start a pot of coffee.

  “Victoria, so is he!” Mom gushes.

  “Oh, I saw that,” Victoria responds excitedly.

  Garrett and I stand frozen listening to them chat about last night’s storm ignoring the revelation they just made for us out loud. I mean I do love Garrett, and I think he loves me, but I wasn’t prepared for someone else to make the revelation for us. Maybe it’s for the best.

  I sneak a peek up at Garrett smile and softly giggle at his expression of surprise.

  “I do, you know,” I whisper and his lips part. “I love you, Garrett.”

  “Bella, I don’t know if you should. I don’t know if I’m loveable,” Garrett begins panicking and frowns. “I think you should wait to decide anything. I have a past. It haunts me...” He lowers his head. “I don’t want you to get hurt in anyway. Physical or here. Not again.” He reaches over and places his big warm palm on my heart. “I need to get help. Don’t love me until we know if I can be fixed.”

  Fixed?

  “Honey, I can’t stop my heart from feeling the way it does. I realize we had a moment last night, but you need to trust me. I trust you. I trust you to do right by yourself and get the help you need, but you need to do that for yourself. I don’t want you to do it for me. I’ll be here by your side. I want you to run those demons from your head. They're lying, honey.”

  “I was there, Bella. I know what happened. They’re not lying.” Confusion fills his expression. It seems he wants to believe me, but at the same time he can’t. The lies are confusing him. But here comes my truth. My truth is going to scream so loud it will make his lies sound like nothing more than empty space. My truth will cocoon him until he’s strong enough to fight them himself.

  “Do you want to tell me?” My soul is warning me to heed cautiously.

  “Bella.” My name leaves him in agony. “You won’t be able to look at me without disgust, but maybe that’s what you need. You’ll understand then.”

  His words break my heart and my eyes become glassy. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Mom and Victoria listening. Both their eyes go to Garrett’s cap and a look of understanding crosses their face. They quietly make their way back into the kitchen to give us our privacy. Although I know they’re going to hear everything, I also know I can trust them and I want them here. I lead him over to the couch and we sit down. His head is hung low, and I don’t know if it’s shame or fear but I feel myself getting angry. He should walk with pride for what he did for our country. The fact that he feels anything other than that is what’s disgusting.

  "I told you we patrolled at sunset.” I nod, letting him know I remember his words. “Our crew was split into two different vehicles. Cody, McGowan and I rode in the same Bradley. Our orders were to ensure safety and take care of any hostiles. The area was run down and we could normally patrol from the Bradley, but this night there was one building we couldn’t clear. McGowan saw something that shouldn’t have been there but couldn’t make out exactly what it was, so we had to check it out. Cody gave the order and we prepared to dismount.”

  Garrett takes a deep breath and shakes his head. My heart is beating so hard it hurts as he begins to re-tells that fateful night. Hearing the emotion in Garrett’s voice is more emotional than I thought it would be. I find myself trembling and becoming sick to my stomach, but I hold it together for him. I settle as close to him as I can while still trying to give him space as he shares his nightmare. He’s not sitting with me on my couch; well his physical body is, but not his mind. With every word he’s going back and I don’t want to spook him.

  “We had just entered the alley when I heard it, the clanking. It was right behind us. Someone yelled, "GRENADE!" and we all hit the ground as the blast hit. I had just looked up when I saw Cody pick up McGowan, then he ran to me, helped me up, and we were all disoriented. The other two soldiers were down and not moving.”

  Jesus, my eyes turn glassy as he goes on.

  “Cody took off towards them but gunfire was coming down the alley at him. McGowan and I both pulled him into cover. We were pinned though. Cody tried to see if he could get an accurate count of what we were up against, but as soon as he stuck his head out, gunfire broke the silence again. McGowan’s radio started to go off constantly. We weren’t the only ones in a fight. I was pulling security trying to get a good angle on whoever was shooting at us, and waiting Cody’s orders.

  "He ordered McGowan to report the casualties while he reassessed what was happening. All of a sudden one of the soldiers we thought was dead began moaning loudly in pain. Cody ordered McGowan to get on the radio and find out where the other team was, report that two of his soldiers were wounded and pinned down outside in the alleyway, and that the enemy situation was unknown. The response was to hold tight. Backup was ten minutes away, but it felt like an eternity. Cody couldn't take hearing his men crying in pain anymore. He peeked into the alley and called back he thought it was clear. He didn’t see any movement. He asked me to confirm and I did a slow scan of the area.

  "Bella, I didn’t see anything and I told him the alley looked clear. Cody ordered McGowan to radio up to the lieutenant that we were going to recover the wounded soldiers. It was a huge risk. We knew what going into that alley meant, but you don’t leave a man down and vulnerable to the enemy. Cody told McGowan that no matter what happens, to just keep dragging the soldiers inside and to not stop until he had them back to safety. We decided that Cody and McGowan would drag the soldiers back while I pulled security around them. Cody took the lead followed by McGowan and then I trailed. We left the building and began moving toward the downed soldiers. Cody knelt next to the still unconscious soldier and began to assess him when I saw them.”

  Garrett’s body locks tight as his voice takes on a tone of anguish and anger. "Contact, six o'clock, fifty meters! I yelled out to them. The enemy had his weapon trained on us. I could feel the resistance on the trigger when a little girl came out of nowhere and ran in front of him, Bella. She made herself a human shield. Others assumed he pulled her in front of him. But I saw it. I saw it all clearly. She ran to him, Bella. She goddamn ran to him. She shielded him and she was fucking terrified and shaking. I could hear her crying over all the noise of the night. I swear I felt her fear. She was searching for help, I don’t know. What I do know, is someone taught her that. Forced her to do that.” Garrett shakes his head in disgust as he clenches his fists, his jaw is ticking.

  Oh, my God. My heart sinks further for him and that little girl. My breathing is coming out in pants as he shares his nightmare. I decide to take a chance and reach out and gently touch one of his hands. He takes in it his and holds it so tight that it hurts but I don’t care. His eyes come to mine and he has tears
in them. The ones I tried holding at bay start dropping. He takes in my reaction, his grip loosens a little as he reaches up with his other hand and wipes my tears.

  “She couldn’t have been more than six years old, Bella. I mean I heard it happened. In briefings we were warned about it. Those pieces of shits would keep kids close knowing we wouldn’t fire on them. I’d sacrifice my own life before taking a kid’s.” He locks eyes with me wanting me to believe him. And I know that in a million years he wouldn’t hurt a child.

  “Those kids don’t want to do it but those bastards threaten to kill their families if they don’t. I understood their fear. I understood why they do it. Survival.” Garrett halts talking and stares off in the distance.

  He understood?

  "Cody saw it too and screamed at me to not fire unless I had a clear and precise shot. He picked up the unconscious soldier and McGowan picked up the other one. The man with the little girl in front of him started to fire at them. The shots were inaccurate. The man couldn't fire and hold the little girl. He yelled at out in Arabic but we three understood what he was saying. "Attack". Cody and McGowan worked quickly. They hoisted the soldiers up on their shoulders and began to move closer to where we had dismounted. Then it got worse. They started coming out of nowhere.

  "I yelled out a warning about the contact from the rooftops and Cody screamed, "Keep moving!! Do not stop!" I began firing rapidly at the rooftops. Two shots. Then three shots. Then another target. Every few feet I would report there was a target down. I took everyone I fucking saw out, Bella. We rounded the corner and saw the Bradley waiting for us. The ramp began to lower for us when all of a sudden; Cody was hit in the back plate. He went down to his knees with the wounded soldier still on his back. McGowan began to help Cody back up on his feet, but he was hit under his armpit above his plate. Right into the heart. McGowan went down. The Bradley began to fire down the alleyway and at the building tops to suppress the enemy. The other team rounded the corner and began to help everyone back into cover.