Love Is Forever Blue Read online

  “We were able to spend a few days with him while he fought but finally God saw fit to end his pain and struggle. The Lord called him home three days ago, early morning. His birth mom, she walked out of the hospital the morning she delivered him without saying a word or signing any papers and no one has heard from her, or any of her family. The father is unknown. The state was going to give Cole a pauper burial...” Gasps of anger are heard from my family and Uncle Brock puts his hand out to calm everyone. “It’s just the way it’s done. No one liked the idea. Not the social workers. Not the nurses or doctors and not Paige and I. We talked to the social worker and the adoption agency and even though Cole passed before any paperwork was signed, the court decided to allow us to become his legal guardians. Cole Jaxson McGinty, was, is, our son. We wanted him to have a name and a family." He looks at all of us. “That’s us.” We all nod in agreement. “Tomorrow, we'll lay him to rest in a small ceremony and we’d like you all to be there for him." There's not one of us that would deny such a request.

  "We received more news after Cole’s passing. Our social worker came to the hospital the day he passed and told us Cole has a big sister, Callie. She’s a little over three years old and even before Cole’s birth, her mom had been in and out of her life. She's been in the care of her great aunt but she’s elderly and taken ill. She can’t take care of her anymore so she’s asked the state to come get her. With her mom nowhere to be found and because of her abandoning Cole, the state has moved to terminate all her parental rights but this process will take some time. They’re going to allow her to be adopted after some legal issues are cleared up. The social worker set us up to meet and visit with Callie, and after those visits, Paige and I decided we're going to be Callie’s foster parents. When she’s completely free, we’re going to petition to adopt her.”

  Aunt Paige finally speaks. “She’s absolutely beautiful. Long blonde hair with ringlets all around and the biggest eyes that are almost silver. When she smiles, her dimples pop out and her little button nose crinkles up.” Aunt Paige gushes with love. “The time we’ve spent with her, the few visits, we’re in love and she’s taken to us.” She looks at her husband and smiles with love and admiration. “She’s already in love with him it seems.” She looks back at us. “The day after tomorrow, we’re picking her up and bringing her home with us.” Her face lights up into a smile so bright it could warm the sun. “Tomorrow, if you ladies are up to it, I need help. So much to prepare for her. She needs everything, clothes and furniture. I mean I have to get the right shampoos, baby food...wait, she won’t eat baby food? A high chair or booster? A bed, childproof the house, car seats…" She falls silent. “Brock, oh my, how are we going to do all that? We’ll never have it all ready for her. And sweet Cole…we have to….”

  I can see it all beginning to overwhelm her emotionally and my grandma must see it too. She steps forward and pulls her into a hug,

  “Oh, honey, I am so sorry for your heartbreak; but I’m happy for y'all and little Callie. We’ll have everything ready for her when she finally comes home. We’ll divide up chores after Cole’s service. Some of the men can get her furniture and put it together while the others childproof the house and install car seats and such.” She looks at the men who are all quiet but enthusiastically nodding their heads. "And us,” she points to the women, “we’ll handle the bows, ribbons, ruffles and lace.” We all give her soft smiles. “We’ll go to the grocery store and stock up on anything and everything, okay?” Aunt Paige smiles at her with gratitude and love and Uncle Brock looks at his mom, my grandma with so much love it even fills my heart. “Thanks, Mom.” He says and steps from Aunt Paige to embrace her.

  “You two...” she looks between them, “ya’ll deserve this so much. I’m so sorry about little Cole. We’ll be there to support you with him and then help you get things ready for Callie.” She pats him on the arm and then steps back as the rest of the family steps forward with mixed emotion over the loss of a precious child but also wanting to celebrate in the saving of another.

  While the men pull the brisket and sausage from the smoker, the women go inside and get the plates, napkins, cups and silverware and a pitcher of sweet tea. We bring it outside along with all the side foods. Uncle Duke is slicing the meat while my brothers pull a couple of saw horses from the garage along with big piece of wood left over from the remodeling and set up makeshift table big enough to seat all of us. We pull our mismatched chairs up to the table and once everyone is settled, we join hands and say grace. We give thanks for so many things. I’m giving thanks for Max and my family. A prayer is sent up for Cole, Rocky and the Jennings’ family. I smile as I think of Callie. She’s coming to the right family. A precious little girl with all these protective men. She’ll be so loved. Just like Abigail and I.

  Later that night, after everyone has gone home and grandma has gone to bed, I sit swinging on the porch swing staring up at the stars, while Max picks up the last of the beer bottles. After he throws them in the recycling bin he grabs his car keys from our room and walks to his car to grab his bags from the trunk.

  It’s a beautiful night and there’s not a cloud in the sky. The porch light is off and with no city lights or street lamps around, the stars are shining brilliantly overhead. It takes me back to summer nights at the lake. Tonight, this night sky, it rivals those. Maybe it’s just being alive and free that’s making the stars seem to shine brighter or food to taste better, love to feel deeper and stronger, but whatever it is, it’s making me appreciate and not take things for granted.

  “Hey, Jayc?” Max sits his bags down by the screen door and walks over and sits next to me. “You okay?”

  I smile at him, but then I have a flashback. Pain from the past hits out of nowhere and I can’t help but frown when I think about what I’ve put my family through and what I’ve put him through. He sees this and frowns so I look down to my lap. No matter how good I’m feeling, guilt and fear creeps in. The therapist had warned me this might happen. Fear stepping back in; it's normal but I can’t help feeling overwhelmed. Doubt rushes forward in my thoughts and I become unsure of everything. I need to give him an out even though it would kill me if he walks away. The thought of him not being by my side brings a wave of pain across me so deep it knocks the breath from me. No matter what, I’m damaged now and it’s going to take time to heal. Max may not have counted on all this extra baggage from the past and the long process healing moving forward is going to be.

  “Max, if you would have known you were going to have to go through all of this danger and pain, would you have stayed away or have you thought of going away now? I mean, if you stayed with me because I was hurt, I’ll be okay now so I’d understand if you need or want to walk away. I won’t blame you if you do.” I say quietly. “I just want you to be happy,” I whisper to my hands.

  I sit, praying he won’t take the out I’m offering. He cups my face and pulls it up so he can look into my eyes. He stares at me for a few moments, not speaking, and it’s making me nervous. Finally, he leans in and kisses me. I can’t help but sigh in relief. He’s not showing me with his words. He’s giving his answer through his kiss. We kiss for a few minutes before he pulls back. What he says next calms my doubts and warms my heart.

  “Jaycee, if I would have known you were going to be in danger, would I have stayed away? If you were in pain or hurt, would I leave you because you're better or not?” His eyes search my face as he frowns as he thinks about my words and then looks a little angry. “Is that what you’re really asking me?” I nod and pull my face from his hands and bow my head but he puts his finger to my chin and lifts my face back to him making me look in his eyes. “My love, if I would have known that you were going to go through all this,” he leans into and whispers in my ear, “I would have run as fast as I could to you. To protect you. Never away from you, Jaycee. I would have jumped in front of you and taken it all so you would never have to feel pain. I would gladly done that for you,” he says, his warm breath sen
ds chills across my body.

  I crawl into his lap and kiss him. After a moment of heavy kissing, my lips travel down the side of his face to his neck. I stop there and bury my face, breathing in his scent, letting the calm it brings me wash over me. We stay like this, wrapped up together, for a while as he swings us. When a chill starts to hit the air, he cradles me as he stands and then puts me on my feet. “Come on.” he says and takes my hand, opening the door and leading me in. He grabs his bags with one hand, keeping mine in his other and we start for my, our, bedroom. Once inside, he puts his stuff on the bench at the end of the bed and I excuse myself as I go into the bathroom. Using my good arm, I brush my teeth, face and my hair. When I walk out, the only thing Max is wearing is his jeans. They’re unbuttoned and hanging loose and I can see his light patch of hair on his chest running down across his abs and into his boxers. I stand and stare, following the trail, like a creep. “You done?” he asks. I blush red, embarrassed, but nod yes because I’m not sure if he’s asking about me staring or asking about the bathroom. Plus, speaking right now is impossible. He sends me a knowing smile before walking into the bathroom.

  “Damn, that man is fine,” I whisper to myself as I start looking through my drawers for pajamas I'm certain Aunt Paige would have bought. After searching most of the drawers, I only find a few silky gowns trimmed in lace. Alrighty then. I raise the sling off my arm and unbutton my shirt and pull it off, letting it fall to the floor along with my bra. I can move my shoulder fairly good even though it’s still sore. I just can’t raise it too high or carry anything yet. I push my jeans down my legs and kick them off before picking up the gown that’s royal blue with black lace. It’s pretty short so I’ll be surprised if reaches past my upper thighs or covers my butt, I realize with a shake of my head. Since I can’t lift my shoulder, I step into the gown then shimmy it up, slipping the straps over my shoulders before smoothing it down my body enjoying the feel of the silk. Okay, good. I breathe out a sigh. So much easier that way. I start to turn when I feel Max’s hands grip my hips tight as he pulls me back against him.

  “Damn, Jaycee, watching you move like that, pulling your nightie up over your legs, hips and tits was fucking sexy.” He reaches down to where the lace falls against the very tops of my thighs and traces it with his fingers. “Jayc, I know you’re hurt, so tell me to stop,” he whispers into my neck.

  Is he crazy? I relax into him and drop my head back on his shoulder, closing my eyes to enjoy the feeling of his touch. His fingers start to pull the hem of the gown up.

  “Tell me to stop.” he whispers again. Yup. He’s crazy.

  Not going to happen. I push back against him and then lift my hands and rub them up my tummy and across the silk to my breasts. I know he likes when I touch myself so it surprises me when he reaches around and grabs my wrists to stop me. He turns and walks us across the room and stops in front of full length mirror. He pulls my wrists down to my side and I watch him as he looks up my body slowly, finally meeting my eyes with his. He reaches down and intertwines our fingers and wraps his arms around me, holding me tight for a few moments while resting his face in my neck. I watch as he turns his face into my neck and trails light kisses on my neck. He releases our fingers and flattens my hands beneath his on my hips and begins moving them down to where the lace is resting against my thighs.

  “Now, touch yourself,” he says and starts lifting my gown with my own hands beneath his.

  When we get past my panties, he releases his hold on mine and has me grip the gown in place. He uses one of his hands to gather my hair and pull my head back and to the side as he starts kissing down my neck. His other hand travels down my tummy, into my panties and his finger starts circling. I moan and turn my head to give him better access to my neck but he stops.

  “Jaycee, look at me,” he demands. I meet his eyes in the mirror. “Am I hurting you?”

  I shake my head and beg. “No, Max. Please, keep going. Don’t stop...” before all the words are out of my mouth, he goes back to kissing and running his warm tongue along my neck as his hand and fingers go back to rubbing me.

  He circles and then pushes inside me a little and he keeps doing this until I feel like I’m going to scream. I try moving my hips but he’s holding me still by my hair and every time I shift, he tightens his grip sending me a message to keep still. I’m so close to losing it and turning around and attacking him.

  “Love, touch yourself, your tits.” I don’t even think twice, I just obey. “Lower the straps off your shoulders, slowly,” and I do it, one side at a time and then look back to him for approval. “Give me your fingers.” He opens his mouth and I lift two of my fingers to him. He brings his mouth down and I watch him in the reflection as he wets them with light sucks and licks. My entire body spasms at the feel of his mouth on my fingers. When he pulls his head back, he catches my eyes.

  “Rub your nipples with those fingers,” he instructs me and with him our hands intertwined, I reach down and touch myself, lightly pinching my nipple; moaning at how good it feels. I keep doing it as he starts using two fingers on me. He releases my hair and brings his hand down against my tummy, holding me against him while his other is moving in and out of me; circling my most sensitive area.

  “Pinch your nipples harder,” he demands. The second I do as he says, he slides his hand down my hip and into my panties from behind, entering me. The sensation of both his hands working my body over is starting to drive me crazy.

  “Come on, Jaycee. Let me see.” He bites my neck, and that’s all it takes. I let go and scream as he brings his mouth down on mine; capturing my cries. His hands continue to move, helping me to ride out my orgasm. My scream and moans are his. They belong to him and he consumes them with his kiss. His arms tighten around me, keeping me from falling to the ground in a puddle. Once I come down, he holds me for a few moments before he loosens his arms and gently pulls his hands from me; stepping back. I'm barely aware of my gown sliding from my body and falling to the ground. He steps forward, puts his fingers in the sides of my panties, and pulls them slowly down my legs. He steers me to the bed, guiding me onto the pillows. Even in my daze, the soft, cool sheets feel good.

  Max takes his jeans and boxers off and begins to stroke himself. My body spasms and comes back to life as I watch him. Holy heck! I can't control the moan that escapes me at the hot sight of him stroking himself. He climbs on the bed and lays next to me, covering my mouth with his. His hand travels back down to me, and the minute he touches me, I know he can feel I’m more than ready. I reach for him, to pull him on top of me as I whisper my plea to him in the quiet of the room.

  “Please, Max. Please. Now.” I want him inside me. I need him. I yank him closer and open for him at the same time. He comes willingly and softly brings himself down on top of me. He leans down and kisses my neck, licking up behind my ear. Shivering, I scratch my nails down his back and he shudders and groans. His hands glide up my back between the mattress and my body. When he reaches the back of my head, he grips my hair and pulls my neck back. It’s harsh and gentle at same time, and I can tell he's taking care to be cautious of my shoulder.

  “I love your long hair, Jaycee, fucking love it,” he whispers in my ear as he gives it another gentle but strong tug. I feel my breathing quicken and I open myself more; trying to lift my hips to meet his. He pulls his head back and brings his eyes down to look at me. As he starts to enter me, my lips part and my eyes start to close.

  “Jayc. No. Look at me,” he says. I look back at him as he pushes the rest of the way inside. I stare but my mouth drops open in a moan as his bottom lips drops and his eyes go hooded. He doesn’t release my hair or my eyes as he starts moving.

  “Jesus, Jayc, you feel so good.” He lowers his head to my breasts and starts gently sucking them and licking them. My hips move to meet his as I bring my hand up to hold him in place and let my other travel down his back feathering my nails along his beautiful olive skin. He bucks and picks up his speed as he starts
going deeper.

  “Jaycee, I’m almost there, hurry.” I pull his head further into me.

  “Please, Max.” I plead. He understands I need more and sucks hard on my nipple and gently bites at the same time. That does it and I explode again, releasing a quiet moan as I call his name. Once I settle, he raises a little and starts thrusting faster.

  “Beautiful, Jayc.” He releases my hair, pulls his arms back and collapses on his elbows, bringing his hands to hold the side of my face as his thumbs gently stroke my cheeks, still keeping eye contact. He starts pushing into me harder so I lift my knees to his sides, allowing him to go even deeper. His eyes turn glassy and at the same time I feel a tear slide out of my eye and into my hair. We’re both realizing we could have lost this, lost each other. No words are needed to express the love we’re feeling at this moment. One of my hands is on his back with my nails digging in gently and the other is wrapped around his waist where I’m pulling him forward. When he gets there, he buries his face in my neck and lets out a long groan as he finds his release. After a few minutes, he lifts his head and we both smile sleepily at each other. He leans down and kisses me, a beautiful soft, kiss that I don’t want to end, disappointed when he pulls back first.

  He gets up and walks into the bathroom, coming back with a warm washcloth to clean me. After, he leans down and gives me another kiss and pulls the covers over me. He walks back to the bathroom door and tosses the washcloth in the hamper. As he’s coming back to the bed, he stops and picks something up off the floor before returning to my side.

  “Sit up, Jayc.” I do as he says and he lowers the sling over my shoulder, positioning my arm in it. “Love, did I hurt you?” I look up and smile.

  “No. Not at all, Max.” When he finally gets back in bed, he pulls the sheets over himself and reaches for me. I go to him and lay my head on his chest with my injured shoulder resting easily across his chest.